Things To Do To Win Back Your Ex-Wife.

If your relationship has ended in divorce, that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be over for good. With some time, persistence and your willingness to take some steps to rebuild and improve, you could be successful in your effort to win back your ex-wife. Before you text or call her to ask her out so you can win her back, it’s best that you first explore your personal motivations.

Why do you really want her back?

If you can identify where things started to go wrong and what might be necessary to fix them, and after all that, you still truly believe that your relationship is worth it, then proceed with a clear conscience. If, however, your relationship was unhealthy from the start or involved serious breaches of trust, you may want to seriously reconsider the possibilities of getting back together. But if you are sincere about wanting to win back your ex-wife, these 6 steps may help:

Tell her how you feel – If you ever want a chance to win back your ex-wife, she has to know your intentions and why you believe your relationship can be rebuilt for the better.

Clearly and gently state your case and the steps you are willing to take. She needs a reason to give you another chance, especially if she’s still hurt and is experiencing feelings of distrust.

Admit mistakes – Even if your breakup was “technically” your ex-wife’s fault, relationships are a two-way street. When they fall apart, both parties are usually to blame. So admit your mistakes and explain what you’ll do to restore her trust in you.

Listen to her –You may find that, even though your ex-wife isn’t all that interested in getting back together, she definitely has plenty to say about what went wrong. Or on the contrary, you may find that she has been feeling exactly the same way. In either case, listen to what she has to say and take in her suggestions and criticisms with understanding.

After all, if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be taking the time to explain her feelings. However difficult it may be, don’t go on the defensive, and don’t interrupt her. Your mission here is to listen to her and understand what she has to say. If you want to get back together, it’s important to learn her point of view so you can learn how she wants to be respected.

Give her some time – If she asks for some time to process what you’ve said, give it to her. While it might seem like a great idea to try and romance her with cards and flowers, don’t, at least not right away. And don’t decide for her how much time she’ll need to figure things out. After all, she is taking what you have to say very seriously or else she wouldn’t have asked for time to think things over.

Work on yourself – One of the best things you can do to win back your ex-wife is to demonstrate your willingness to become a better partner. Do not change for her, but take steps to be the stronger, better and healthier person you know you can be and want to be. Do this by working on personal changes you’d like to make, such as going back to school, getting a better job, working out, or being a better father and more considerate husband.

Take it slow – If your ex-wife does agree to try and work things out, go slowly. Do not expect to repair a damaged relationship overnight. Carefully work through each issue you need to address together. Take her out on dates and learn to enjoy each other’s company again.

Even if you are unsuccessful in following the steps to win back your ex-wife, making a genuine effort can give you the closure you need to move on that the court proceedings didn’t provide.

More and more

Consequences Of Divorce. Divorce Is Never What You Imagine It To Be.

about divorce thinking                                                                                   Going through divorce is a physical experience. This one took me by surprise. My body seemed to experience a death-defying whirlpool.
It never works out according to plan – yours, that is! And even when it does, it’s only for a short time.

Life after divorce is always changing and you won’t have a lot of control over those changes. We often get hopelessly caught up in parenting plans when we first separate and, while that is important, it doesn’t usually prepare you for the ongoing changes and negotiations that go on for years – changes that you don’t always like but learn to live with. Life takes twists and turns that will never be in the “plan,” so you must learn to go with the flow or be hopelessly mired in your own anger or disappointments. A separation agreement will go a long way to resolving the bulk of your property and support issues.

It takes longer to get your divorce behind you than you think, or can allow yourself to believe. I thought I had it together after a year. Then I thought I had it together after three years. Then I was impressed when I could say I had been divorced five years. Then I was devastated that I could be brought to tears in seconds after eight years when something inappropriate, I thought, was said to me. I guess it’s always “there,” but fortunately with each passing year it feels longer ago, less important and more comfortable. But unlike your child’s owies, it’s never quite all gone. As that old saying goes, marriage may not be forever, but divorce is.
Custody and support are NOT tied together. Though they might be tied together in the eyes of your mother or your mother-in-law, these are two separate issues. When you confuse them or make them cause-and-effect items, you do a squeeze on your kids. It seems like such a natural but this is not a life situation where each month comes to an even tally. It never is even. Equitable is the best you can hope for.

For anyone who hasn’t been divorced, trust, divorce is never what you imagine it to be. Everything listed above might not apply to everybody. There will always be exceptions to every rule, but it covers most of us.

 

More and more

How Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?

 When your spouse isn’t appear to be unapproachable to making things work between the two of you, making an attempt to save your marriage alone can be extremely difficult, but is not impossible.  If your marriage has seen better days and you fear the final chapter is inevitable, it may still be possible to prevent your divorce from happening. Deciding that you are going to save your marriage alone doesn’t come with any promise of success. If your spouse is being difficult, refuses to talk or even refuses to admit that there may be serious issues, you can take it upon yourself to act alone initially to heal your marriage. 

The following are six top tips that you can use by yourself to help you save your marriage. It may also enable you to open your spouse’s eyes before it’s too late:

Remain positive – taking steps to save your marriage alone can be very difficult, but it does sometimes pay off. Try to remain as positive as possible as you work on the problems you can tackle on your own. Even if you are not ultimately successful in your attempts to mend your relationship, you will most likely come out of the situation stronger and happier with yourself for making the attempt.

Brainstorm solutions – once you’ve identified some areas of concern, brainstorm for solutions you can work towards on your own.

Trying to save your marriage all by yourself can present many challenges, especially if you want to act on solutions you’ve put together. The fact that your spouse may not be willing to do whatever it takes to heal and rebuild, can be extremely discouraging. Even so, you may find some solutions you can put into action on your own allowing you to start seeing results.   Identify the trouble spots – trying to do this as you work to save your marriage alone can be tremendously difficult. If your spouse will not open up and share what’s going on with them, you may not get a complete picture of the issues you face and why your marriage is in trouble in the first place. Still, you can work on your own to identify obvious concerns that have been putting a strain on your marriage such as a change of a job situation, lack of communication, children, chores, etc. Now is the time to look inside your relationship and try to identify what are the causes that resulted in emotional weakening of your once solid union.   Try to communicate – after you’ve evaluated your problems and how to potentially solve them, do your best to open up and create a dialogue with your spouse. Make your attempt to save your marriage alone known. Be sure that when you speak with your partner, there are no distractions such as the telephone or television to prevent you from focusing on your mate and their responses to you. By sharing your feelings with them, you may inspire your spouse to also step up and take action. Either way, share your concerns and ideas for reconciliation.   Take action – if you are still working to save your marriage all alone after trying to communicate with your spouse, now is the time to put action behind your words. If, for example, you have stated you’ll become more positive and loving, then start showing it. Spiritually, it can be helpful to honor your positive side by using affirmations, meditating or even seeking counselling in a group or one-on-one setting at either a professional office, clinic or your house of worship. If there is an issue of taking your spouse for granted, now is the time to show them that you don’t. Whatever concerns you have identified that needs addressing, then do so before it’s too late.  Re-evaluate the situation – if you have clearly stated your intent and have taken action to try to save your marriage without the help and support of your partner, and you’re still not getting them to admit that there is a problem that needs to be worked on by the two of you, then it may be time to re-evaluate your situation. Consider making more attempts at communication. You may even want to try different actions and observe any positive responses from your significant other.   Marriage is a two-way street. There are times, however, when one spouse has to take action to save the relationship. Saving your marriage alone will not always work, but the effort can provide you with a higher level of clarity as to if this marriage is even worth saving…

More and more

Forgiveness. What Is Forgiveness And Why Is It Important?

Forgiveness is not just ignoring people who do us wrong.

Forgiveness is not just refusing to strike blow for blow, tooth for tooth. You might refrain from doing something physical but still be bitter towards someone.

Forgiveness is not just ignoring the sin. Rebuke, not ignore (Luke 17:3). If we wait until all the bitterness is gone, we may never forgive, because the bad feelings may never go away.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past. It doesn’t even mean the others will change their behavior — you can not control that. They are responsible for their actions and you are only responsible for yours.

Forgiveness means that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place. It’s not easy.

But you can learn to do it.

Here are some tips to help you to  forgive:
Commit to letting go.

You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take
time to get over something. So commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting
you, affecting your relationships, and causing you unhappiness.

Focus on the present.

Realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your
mind. And that causes problems — unhappiness and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the
present moment. Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the hurtful past. Make
the choice to move on.

Feel compassion.

In forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel
empathy for the person and wish happiness on them.It may
take time, but you will get there… And remember:

“Forgiveness brings freedom from being controlled by the past, freedom from the emotional ties to the offender, freedom from the continual inner conflicts of bitterness and hate, freedom to become whole and enjoy the fullness of life.”

P.S. Feel free to share if you find it informative for you… 

 

 

 

More and more

How to Win Back Your Ex-Husband

Sure he left the toilet seat up a few times and kept forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste, but overall he was a good husband. You’d like him back, because the dating pool has a lot to be desired! And frankly, you miss him and the good times you once had.

 So your next step is to win back your ex-husband. First off, you have to deal with the causes of the break-up. Who was responsible for the actions that led to the divorce or separation—you or him? Obviously, if it was his actions, if he doesn’t want you back or you wouldn’t want him back.
If you were responsible, will he forgive you? How good was the relationship before the break-up?

What are the best moments you and he shared in your marriage? What were the low points? Think about it.

Be as objective as you can. If the marriage resulted in any children, then they are a consideration as well. If they would like their father back in the home you shared together, then, if they are old enough to understand, they might be able to support you in getting their dad back.
But be very careful! If you involve the kids, they could feel trapped in the middle or it could appear to him like you are using them for selfish purposes as if they are pawns instead of your sensitive and caring children. If you are on speaking terms with your ex-husband, try to arrange a meeting with him at a quiet place, not a noisy bar or crowded restaurant. Rather, choose a place that both of you will either, directly or indirectly, relate with tender memories of your relationship.
The reason for the meeting may be expressed as, “Can we get together and talk? It’s about something that is very important and affects both of us. I can’t talk on the phone, but must see you in person”.

 Prepare what you want to say. Write out an outline as if you were making a business presentation. This event is, after all, more important than any business meeting. Practice what you want to say and learn your lines so you won’t be too nervous or uncomfortable when you speak with him.

  Be sure to include a list of all the reasons you should get back together. You may ask for a trial reconciliation period, or to just start dating again.

If his actions initiated the break-up, give him your complete forgiveness. If the actions were yours, ask for his forgiveness. If your ex-husband accepts your invitation, you’re halfway there! It is a sign that he has no problem meeting with you and talking. If he was very resentful over the divorce, he might not agree to meet at all. And that’s OK. More time may need to pass before he’ll be ready to talk with you. After all, this was difficult for him too. He may not be emotionally ready to face you yet. Refrain from anything that might be seen as begging, pleading or making him feel sorry for you.  This is a huge turn-off which would probably make it difficult for you to connect with your former husband.

If the meeting doesn’t work or isn’t possible, you see if you can have a third party in the form of professional counselor either for yourself or for the two of you. You may even ask if your priest, pastor, rabbi, minister or other Church official could intervene.Another alternative is a good mutual friend or couple who will talk to your ex-husband for you. His relatives are also a possible source you can use to reconnect with your ex-husband as well.
Again, just be careful that you are not using other people to do things that you are afraid to do yourself, or he might feel manipulated by you. Keep in mind that your ultimate goal is to heal from this and positively move forward. Although this could be a long ride, as long as you remain open and honest and hold yourself accountable and responsible for the role you played in damaging the relationship, your willingness to working things out could result in him realizing how serious you are. Let him see your sincerity and you just may be surprised with the results.

More and more

Relationship Quotes

RepairaRelationship

  • “Always tell the truth. Then you don't have to remember anything.”
  • “Washing dishes, cooking, & ensuring the house is clean can be a serious turn-on for a woman. She will bring the dessert!”
  • “In life sometimes the people that are good to you are not good for you.”
  • “Before you marry someone, you should seriously consider if you want to deal with their baggage from the past. It can be a weight.”
  • “Every relationship should begin with friendship as a foundation. Most people skip this step and ultimately become enemies.”
  • “Sex is not alway intimacy. It takes maturity of a man to know the difference.”
  • “A woman sometimes just needs to be held.”
  • “The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.”
  • “History repeats itself. Liars will be liars, cheaters will be cheaters, and the person who has always been there for you, will always be.”
  • “Smile more than you cry, give more than you take & love more than you hate.”
  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 | Next 10 | Last

More and more

Importance Of Listening In Marriage. It Can Save Your Marriage.

The first thing most people say is: “My husband (or wife) doesn’t listen to me!”Many relationship problems starts here. After all, if you don’t feel listened to, then it’s hard to feel important, special, and loved—all those good things that made you want to get married to begin with.

Does your husband complain you don’t listen?

Does your wife say you don’t know what’s important to her? That’s a warning sign. Take the hint and brush up that most important of all relationship communication skills. It’s the single most important thing you can do to make your partner feel closer to you. Great Listening is a mindset. It is really counts.

Here are three ideas for getting the mindset of a great listener and a great partner.

-Less is More.

Great listening is more of a ‘being’ than a ‘doing.’

A ‘being’ mindset can be hard to enter into fully in our doing, doing, doing society. A lot of people feel at loose ends if they’re “just listening.”

Like it’s not enough. Even women wrestle with this and fall into the fix-it trap.Consider the harsh reality that when you’re an adult, you spend most of your time focusing on someone else’s needs. It’s easy to feel like you’re just an instrument to get things done for other people. When someone turns the tables on you and gives full attention to your needs, it’s refreshing. When that someone is your romantic partner, it’s very powerful. It’s like emotional food.

If you’re scientifically minded, it might help to realize that the human brain actually works better with empathy. The reasoning and emotional centers of your brain are so intertwined that one doesn’t work well without the other.

If you feel like you’re not doing enough, remember that the empathy you give your partner literally makes her think better. So you want to think in terms of being with your partner in a soft, supportive manner. And then just track her. Just follow her wherever she goes, trying to understand, laying aside any agendas of your own for the time being. It’s really very simple.

Being Needs a Slow Touch.

When you’re trying to get things done, speed is good but emotions unfold in their own time and they won’t be rushed.

If your partner is talking about something sensitive, his fight or flight mechanism is triggered, if only a little, and it’s job is to make him feel self-protective.

As he talks to you, he’ll test the waters and see how trusting he feels with you, then he’ll tell you a little bit more, and then a bit more, until he gets to the heart of the issue.

He may not even know what the heart of the issue is until it unfolds in the safety of your listening. He may not be doing this safety-testing consciously, but he’ll be doing it.

Any sign of hurry or impatience will signal he’s not safe, if only a little and will shut down the unfolding process. So don’t multi-task, and don’t have high hopes of accomplishing a lot of tasks if you’ve got some issues to resolve. If you don’t get the dishes done, or the garage cleaned out but you resolve a thorny issue and feel closer to your partner, I’d say it was a successful weekend.

Buttons Will Be Pushed.

It’s only to be expected that your partner will say things you disagree with or even that fire you up. Of course, you deserve to give your perspective, too.

It’s just that this isn’t the moment. As a great listener, your first job is just to understand.

How to handle hot buttons is a big subject, but for the purposes of learning to be a better listener, just think: “Not now.”

Your job right now is to show understanding and empathy. As a great listener, you’re going to feel those defensive reactions bubble up, and set them aside for later.

Since you’re in the ‘being’ mindset, it will be a lot easier. You’ll be in a more receptive, generous, and empathetic state of mind. Yes, you may have a different take on things but you don’t have to pummel her with it immediately. You have the patience to hear her out completely first.

A partner who can get his buttons pushed, without reacting or retaliating is a gem.

 

More and more

How to become the woman that every man adore.


Do You Know How To Tell...

Would a more attractive hairstyle or hair color make you more appealing to dream guy? Invest in a good cut.
Are there parts of your personality that could use some
improving? Try whining less or having a sunnier disposition.
The five things guys DON”T want in a girl are:
1. A smoker
2. Overweight
3. Emotionally Needy or Dependent
4. Under Confident
5. Financially Needy
So, if you have any of those issues, you should do some work on
yourself before you set out to find your dream man.
Let’s say you find a guy who comes pretty close to fulfilling your
dream man description (nobody’s perfect), what are some of the
things you have to do to make him fall in love with you?
As you begin to work on the issues you have, you will make yourself
more attractive to the guy you really want to be with.
Once you have hooked up with someone who may very well be your
dream guy, there are some things you need to do to keep him. We’ll
start with the tings to do and not to do on your early dates.

More and more

Relationship Advice For Newlywed. Newlywed Advice Quotes.

The following “relationship” maxims  for newlywed are worthy of more than a hasty reading. Husbands should not pass them by, for they are designed for wives; and wives should not despise them, for they are addressed to husbands:

1. The very nearest approach to domestic happiness on earth is in the cultivation on both sides of absolute unselfishness.

2. Never both be angry at once.

3. Never talk at one another, either alone or in company.

4. Never speak loud to one another unless the house is on fire.

5. Let each one strive to yield oftenest to the wishes of the other.

6. Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each.

7. Never find fault unless it is perfectly certain that a fault has been committed, and always speak lovingly.

8. Never taunt with a past mistake.

9. Neglect the whole world besides rather than one another.

10. Never allow a request to be repeated.

11. Never make a remark at the expense of each other,—it is a meanness.

12. Never part for a day without loving words to think of during absence.

13. Never meet without a loving welcome.

14. Never let the sun go down upon any anger or grievance.

15. Never let any fault you have committed go by until you have frankly confessed it and asked forgiveness.

16. Never forget the happy hours of early love.

17. Never sigh over what might have been, but make the best of what is.

18. Never forget that marriage is ordained of God, and that His blessing alone can make it what it should ever be.

19. Never be contented till you know you are both walking in the narrow way.

20. Never let your hopes stop short of the eternal home.

P.S. Fill free to share…

p

More and more

Divorce Is Forever. What Are The consequences Of Divorce?

     You never outgrow your wish to be the favorite parent. Remember when your kids asked you who you loved best, you knew what a silly (but honest) question it was because everyone likes being first in the hearts of those they love. Unfortunately in a divorce, when parents aren’t together to hear news in a shared situation, your child will tell one before the other. It doesn’t mean you’re the less favored, secondary or unfavorite parent, but it sure does feels like it. So you have to learn to forgive yourself when those competitive feelings crop up from the dark depths of your soul and learn to laugh at them. Remember you’re not alone.
   You have to learn to accept, overlook and forgive, or else you are going to expend lots of wasted emotions on someone you’re not even married to. You can only be angry with or hate someone you care about. Also, your lawyer can’t make your ex-spouse be a sensitive person or parent, so don’t waste unnecessary dollars trying to have your lawyer get “through” to him or her. When you can begin to replace the word “wrong” with the word “different,” you’ll have come a long way toward acceptance.

  Unlike marriage, divorce is forever. Unless you really wish to lose your position as a parent, you will have family occasions, graduations, shared holidays, christenings, weddings and funerals that will continually bring you together over the years. Those knots in your stomach at shared public events, especially in the beginning, are known only to others who have been through divorce. No one else has a clue. Approaching your ex first with a friendly word at such events puts everyone else at ease and is a worthwhile practice. And with practice, and some history, you may find those stomach knots actually loosening. 
The day your ex remarries is really painful. Obviously this is a no-win situation. No matter how glad you are that your ex is your ex, you’d never take him/her back, and you’re thankful you’re divorced, it’s still a painful time. It’s that last nail in the coffin of what was once your marriage, and your hopes and your dreams. If you know anyone whose ex is getting remarried, don’t let them spend that day alone. 

There is still such a thing as a good divorce.

Yes, you read that line correctly. Now this is not to be confused with divorce is good, but there are ways of turning this lemon into lemonade. Read up on how to do it. There are lots of books to help you. Making peace with life’s changes is good for you, for your kids, and for your life. Divorce is not the path to be recommended easily, but it’s not a terminal illness, or a contagious disease either.
Astonishingly, half divorcing couples have civilized and amicable relations with each other, and almost everybody wished to be on better terms with his or her ex, even the ones who had bad relationships.

 

More and more